Light doesn’t appear as manna from heaven. It doesn’t come with the next relationship or promotion. It’s not a perk or winning the lottery or a clean bill of health from the doctor.
Love creates light.
Category: Life
Mission: Happiness, Route: Muck
“What happened…how did I wind up here?” she wanted to know.
“Uh, I think you’re being kinda melodramatic here.” She laughed. That’s one of the things I love about her.
“I mean, yeah. You got shit to deal with. This is life, and some stretches are crappy. We all have our turns. You’re having your turn of shit to wade through, that’s all. If you’re not happy, then it’s your job to figure out what would make you happy. Your job is to find your way out.”
I’ll cheer her on, though.
Conversations with the Kidlet Series….Sock Monkey Gets Lucky
Vintage dixiblog, from 2007: It’s a cold day outside, and I’m enjoying it by having the window open and wearing my friendly sock monkey pjs. Life is good.
I start to turn, and the Stinker pulls my arm to turn me back where I started. Huh?
“I’m looking at the sock monkey on your pajamas,” she explains. “There’s sock monkey on a date.”
“Well that’s good. That’s good to know,” It is, I think. “Even sock monkeys should get lucky sometimes.”
“Mooooommm! I can’t believe you just said that. That is so wrong!”
“What? What’s so wrong about it? Why shouldn’t sock monkeys have their fun? ”
“That’s just WRONG! That’s disturbing.”
“Not to other sock monkeys. I say, Let Sock Monkey get a little action. He deserves it. He’s a versitile guy. He cooks and cleans and everything. Why shouldn’t sock monky have a little noogie? I think he deserves it.”
Somewhere around then, she said I was nuts or something. I dunno. I was kind of in my own vision of sock monkey world, where our hero lives, working and playing and getting his occassional action. Good for him!
Go, Sock Monkey. Go! 
Custody Battle Tips
Wrote this in 2006, but the advice still holds…hope it helps somebody going through it.
heard through the grapevine somebody i know may be facing some custody issues soon. since this is something i know waaayyyy too much about (unfortunately), i figured i’d share some tips that may help anybody is this position. take it for what it’s worth—we didn’t win. but i know we learned a lot, too. so, you know. maybe our painful history can help someone else.
Vintage dixiblog: Finding Out I’m Called Crazy Cat Lady
From 2007:
Well, hell. It’s rude. That’s what it is. But you know, sometimes, people are rude. But damn.
I was outside, minding my own business. I am pretty good at that–minding my own business, that is. Actually, I was watering my flowers. One of my neighbors was outside, visiting with a friend of his. I was mostly not paying attention. But something perked up my ears…
“…what about the crazy cat lady?” says the neighbor. Huh? Crazy cat lady?
Continue reading Vintage dixiblog: Finding Out I’m Called Crazy Cat Lady
Shhh! Don’t Tell ’em About the Grilled Cheese.
As I’m flipping the grilled cheese sandwiches over with my bare hands, I wonder what my daughter would say if she saw me. She did assign Captain Safety to watch me.
“Your Dad wasn’t watching me, so I can do this!” I think to myself and laugh aloud with glee. “Bwahahaaaa!” Continue reading Shhh! Don’t Tell ’em About the Grilled Cheese.
Dancing in the Mud
I’ve been trying to dance in the mud, all day. Things that should have been easy, quick, or done weren’t. I had to push, be there, focus my wavy energy on target like a laser to make anything happen. As soon as I’d get fine some focus, somebody would come over and slap it right out of my hands like I’d just picked up a poison apple.
It’s okay. But I have so much I need to, want to do–and well. I mean, I don’t just wanna half-ass anything. I’d like to be many things, but mediocre isn’t one of them.
So I’ll just keep dancing, I guess. Just because it’s slower than I’d like it to be doesn’t mean it can’t still be beautiful.
Holy Socks, Sherlock.
New Year’s, I generally eschew resolutions. There’s so often more an excuse to pretend we can solve every problem we have in two and half weeks, or maybe just another opportunity to feel bad about ourselves. It’s usually a better idea to make changes day-to-day, as you see the need. While there’s perhaps some value in the ritualization or symbolic significance of new year/new you thing, still… We’re usually not reasonable or kind with ourselves that way.
But this year, I did make a resolution: I am getting rid of all the holey socks.
Kid Pix
My Baby Moved Out
It was harder than I thought. I figured I’m not over-involved with my kids, so empty nest would be no sweat. It’s been coming and going in waves. She’s about 12 hours away now, which is probably the hardest part. If she could come over every week for a visit or something, I don’t think it would feel the same. I’d probably have some sentimental moments, but it wouldn’t feel quite so hard.
I’ve done this before and it was hard, but in a totally different way. The other kid always steeled herself for moving out by complete disconnect emotionally before the fact for months. It hurt like Hell, but a totally different type of pain.
I’m happy for her, though, because she wants to live a grown up life and be on her own now, and I want for her to thrive. She’s kind, smart and funny, and she’s sane and sensible. She knows what boundaries are and how to love. I’ve given her the best start I knew how to, and I hope it will be enough to smooth her path.
That’s where my head and heart is at today: wishing my baby the best as she moves into her new life. That was then…this is now.
Bailey Says Goodbye