Hideous Hyperbole Hides Hidden Agendas

Hyperbole annoys the living Hell out of me. Why do folks feel the need to drama-queen it up, anyway? When you yell “Fire” in absence of smoke, when you declare emergency without actual crisis, or in general overreact in ways that can be construed as nothing beyond performance, I get cranky. Seriously…’cause if you don’t think I’m going to notice, you’re dumber than you take me for.

Now, when I hit on one of these episodes, I may not call it out. There’s a very good chance I won’t. I’m busy. I work hard. I have better things to do.  And tapping Harry Hyperbole on the shoulder to say, “Hey–I see through your bullshit!” is going to be a poor use of my energy, 99.9% of the time. What’s the point? If  manipulation is how a person relates by default, why on Earth would me calling “Shenanigans” change that? Somehow, they’ll see the light? Fat chance. More likely you’ll get denials and more of the same.  ((Reminds me of all the Cheaters episodes, where the busted routinely cries, “You could have just asked me! ” As if  asking the right question, the right way in the right time would somehow magically elicit a different response that the daily onslaught of lies they’re swimming in…yes, I watch Cheaters. I don’t care.))

Even beyond my knee-jerk disgust for disingenuous of any flavor–and mind you, I have one!–the practice mystifies me. I don’t know if the manipulation is intended to spur me into faster action, elicit a specific emotional response, be politically advantageous, avoid the possibility of complaint or what. I usually avoid trying to figure it out too much because that’s so completely foreign to how I think, it makes my hair hurt to attempt understanding. I’m a huge fan of the “say what you mean, and mean what you say” philosophy. Makes life about a quadrillion times simpler. As a plus, I don’t have to try and remember what persona I adopted yesterday–I’m the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I guess I could feel sorry for folks who compelled to resort to sleight of hand to reach their goals, but I don’t. Maybe it’s because being underestimated is a pet peeve of mine going way back. Spending years as a fat chick, nobody thought I could possibly have a meaningful thought in that round little head of mine.Yes, I could easily clear up the misconception, but it sure gets old fast.

Truth is, I am one of the brightest people you’re ever going to meet. You can say that’s an arrogant statement (and you’d be right), but it’s as true as the sky is blue.When people are dishonest with me, I notice. I’ve got a good nose for it. And maybe I keep my mouth shut at the time for want of a point, but you can be damn sure I file the information away. You get yourself an entry in my “not trustworthy” ledger, and it’s more than selling me short. It’s selling off the potential for a relationship.

You treat me with respect, don’t complicate my life with unnecessary grief, and generally show yourself to be a person of integrity, there is virtually no end to the lengths I will go to in order to help and support you. And I’ll be completely glad to do it! I give of my energy and expertise freely–nobody has to finagle cooperation out of me. Perhaps that’s why I find attempts to steal it offensive.

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